Monday, November 29, 2004

Another year on this world.

This morning I start the first full day of my 34th year. Had a quiet birthday yesterday. Took the day off and went out for lunch at a nice pub in Norwich called 'The Gibralter Gardens'. Those lovely people at the Council have reduced the number of parking spaces and doubled the hourly rate, which was nice, so only had enough change on us to wander 'round the city for a couple of hours. Bought some film for my new camera (see more on that here), got some other chrissy pressies and came home again. Lovely wifey made me a nice tea of Salmon En Croute and roasted winter veggies and we huddled up for the evening in front of the telly to take in Stargate's SG1 & Atlantis.

Now i'm back at work. Joy.

Biker Down

Friday morning, whilst travelling to work, my next door neighbour was punted off his bike by a myopic moron who pulled out in front of him. Apparently the moron 'didn't see him'.

When I decided to call this blog SMIDSY there was a certain amount of tongue wedged firmly in cheek. It is a phrase bandied about in the biking community with light humour and the underlying fear that no-one will hear it uttered as an epitaph. Friday morning is about as close as I want to get.

Richard's bloody lucky. Broken foot, collarbone and finger and cuts & bruises. The bike's a write-off, as is his kit. Boots, trousers and jacket were all cut off and the helmet cannot, of course, be used again. On the plus side, the police have already said he is 100% the innocent party so the insurance claim should be a no contest.

Most worryingly for me is the fact that there are people on the road who are incapable of seeing an object coming towards them that is six feet tall, 2 feet wide, with two headlights in the middle of it all on full beam. The SMIDSY defence is getting very tired and is frankly, total bollocks. People don't see because they don't look. Instead of saying 'i didn't see you' drivers have got to start saying 'sorry mate, i didn't look properly'. No more making lame excuses and kidding yourself that there was nothing you could have done. Face up to it, learn from it and act on it. Next time the biker you pull out in front of may not be so lucky.

Could you live with that?

Friday, November 26, 2004

MotoGP latest

Tamada switches to Michelins with Konica Minolta Honda.
Xaus moves to Fortuna Yamaha. Hope the've got a good stock of spare fairings.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

This week I have mostly been...

Ill. I have a stinking cold. Appeared Monday night, hung around in the background Tuesday then made a move Wednesday. I took Wednesday off work and thought that was enough but sitting in the office this morning I feel 'king awful.

Coming in to work today revealed a design flaw with my helmet. When one is suffering from a severe bout of the common cold and one's sneezes are 97.32% thick green snot things can get rather uncomfortable around the nose and chin area of one's face after the third or fourth sixty mile-an-hour nasal expulsion. Thick leather gloves, so good at keeping the little pinkies warm are no good whatsoever as tissues.

I got to work and went straight to the loo without taking the helmet off, partly to save my collegues from revisiting their breakfasts and partly because I was stuck to the damn thing. What a great start to the day.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


I feel like crap. Sitting at home Monday night I could almost feel a cold coming on. Last night went out for my father-in-laws 60th birthday (Lenwade House Hotel, very nice food, not cheap but not stupid) but by the end of the evening I was in full snot mode. Got home gone midnight, went to bed with vaporub smeared all over my face and woke up this morning feeling worse. Terrific, with my luck, by the time Saturday gets here i'll be well on the way to full-blown 'flu. Just in time for my birthday do. Aint life great.

Monday, November 22, 2004

From the mouth of Basil Fawlty

Found this while clicking on the next blog button up over there in top right.
Courtesy of the Crest Hut Butt Blog.

Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England


To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.

It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders"
which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts.
You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline"
as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation

Basil Fawlty

I did chuckle.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

How sticky??!!!

Popped into town today for groceries for my dad's visit tonight. On the way home stopped off at the factory shop for a bit of a snout as you do. Picked up a couple of things including an ioniser for my dimroom (£5? A bargain) and I was standing in the queue to pay when I glanced at the cheap CD's rack.

Now I don't know if you're familiar with factory shops but they are basically lots of cheap tat with the odd absolute bargain hidden away. CD's tend to be well-known music covered by karaoke wannabe's who Simon Cowell would have a hard job forcing on the Saturday night ITV hard of thinking crowd. Either that or instrumentals (Led Zeppelin greatest on pan-pipes anyone, i kid you not).

Anyway, in the middle of the rack was that rare gem, the absolute bargain. 'Crash! Indie Anthems 1982-2004'. Reaching for it, fearing the worst (KIngs of Leon scored for Wurlitzer organ) I was pleasantly suprised to see all the original artists. YOOHOO! And the bargain part.

Double Album £6.99. (Amazon RRP £13.49)

Needles to say, bought and sold. And it is a fantastic album. Just look at the playlist.

Disc 1
1 Don't Look Back Into The Sun - Libertines
2 Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
3 Molly's Chambers - Kings Of Leon
4 Supersonic - Oasis
5 Love Spreads - Stone Roses
6 Here Comes Your Man - Pixies
7 Cannonball - Breeders
8 Promises Promises - Cooper Temple Clause
9 Animal Nitrate - Suede
10 True Faith - New Order
11 Joe - Inspiral Carpets
12 Mr Pharmacist - Fall
13 Connection - Elastica
14 Hate To Say I Told You So - Hives
15 Danger High Voltage - Electric Six
16 House Of Jealous Lovers - Rapture
17 You And Me Song - Wannadies
18 A Minha Menina - Bees
19 Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes
20 There She Goes - La's
Disc 2
1 Step On - Happy Mondays
2 Rocks - Primal Scream
3 Only One I Know - Charlatans
4 Sit Down - James
5 In Between Days - Cure
6 She Sells Sanctuary - Cult
7 This Corrosion - Sisters Of Mercy
8 April Skies - Jesus & Mary Chain
9 Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction
10 World Shut Your Mouth - Cope, Julian
11 Shine On - House Of Love
12 Electricity - Spiritualized
13 Seventeen (Soulwax mix) - Ladytron
14 Kennedy - Wedding Present
15 Unbearable - Wonder Stuff
16 Can You Dig It - Pop Will Eat Itself
17 Kill Your Television - Ned's Atomic Dustbin
18 Brimful Of Asha - Cornershop
19 Groovy Train - Farm
20 Crash - Primitives

And to think I got this mint, brand new at half price!

Except it's not mint anymore is it. No, now the case has a f@!%*?g great crack in it caused by me trying to get the price tag off. It's bloody ironic that most of the stuff in that shop is made with glue so crap it actually repels the pieces it's supposed to be sticking together. So why are their price tags coated in the same glue that Lotus apparently use to construct the Elise?

Then it hit me. I should be proud of that price tag, that little bit of unfeasably sticky paper lets the world know what a bargan I got. I mean, come on, £6.99!

Friday, November 19, 2004


Now my photoblog darkplanet has been up and running a couple of months i've decided to start another blog for everyday thoughts, rants and general life stuff. And here it is.

Why smidsy?
Smidsy is an acronym used by any blind/stupid/ignorant/head shoved so far up their own arse they talk through their nipples* motorist who pulls out in front of a hapless motorbike going about their daily business. It means 'Sorry mate, i didn't see you', words that have only been uttered to me once and, luckily, after a near miss.
As narrowly avoiding being twatted into the nearest verge is a daily occurance for me I thought is was an apt title.

(*delete as appropriate)